We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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