pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
