why didn't you poke me back
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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