I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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