OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
