Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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