clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
