Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
