god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize