she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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