i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize