Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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