MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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