Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
