My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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