so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
