In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
