I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
