JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
