In the future we'll all be gay
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
