I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize