Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
