you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
