We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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