I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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