ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
