I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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