the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize