god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
