im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
