What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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