He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
