yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
