i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
