I heard we made out
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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