i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
