pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
