my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
