It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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