508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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