Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
