She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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