Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
