I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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