I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
