I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
