i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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