Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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