You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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