fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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