At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
