I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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