you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
