I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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