singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
