We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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