this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
