im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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