Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
