Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
