I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
