come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
