I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
