If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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