Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
