When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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