margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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