If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
