I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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