i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
