You smell like a Billy Joel song
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
