ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
