if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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