Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
