Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
