Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Boobs are out for the taking
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
